Quick Takes-Draft Edition

The perennial theme of this blog is probably summed up in the phrase, "I don't have time." I know that gets boring. Still though, learning time management is the struggle of my life. If anyone figures out how to pause life for three to six months, let me know.

One consequence of my never figuring out how to get it all done is that I start blog posts with all good intentions, and then it dies in draft. Either the moment of inspiration passes or the current event is no longer current. Whatever it is, I have amassed a number of draft posts that languish. So in the spirit of Quick Takes, I thought I'd pull seven titles out of the draft folder and tell you what I meant to write about.

I

The Purge, Part 8

I cleaned out my bedroom closet! I laughed. I cried. I can walk to the back wall now. Well, I could before Christmas descended, but by next week it should be cleared out again. The pictures are glorious, I promise.

II

Return of the Sticks

A year ago, I pulled out the sticks to begin the chore routine with the three oldest children again. This time we were going to earn sticks rather than lose sticks. We lasted a whole month. I have tried to get chores going without sticks. It's hit or miss. The basic basics get done. The other basics don't. 

III

You Aren't Supposed To Talk About It

Parenting children is hard. When you are struggling in a particular way with a particular child, you aren't supposed to write about it in any great detail on the Internet because that child will grow up and read it and get his feelings hurt so you suck it up. And it sucks, especially when there isn't anyone in real life who knows any of the details or people well enough to offer an outside perspective. Instead of advice and solidarity, there's gaping silence. 

IV

Wedding Craziness

I started this post way back when Leah Libresco announced her engagement. I know! My wedding day wasn't very well planned. The guests had a good time, but I forgot that I had to eat. I was going to tell you about all the things I tried to cram into 24 hours, culminating with a flight scheduled to leave town 4 hours after the ceremony. What can I say? Sometimes I'm an idiot. The highlight of my wedding day, aside from the whole getting married part, was the waitress at the bar in Florida at 11pm, who was essentially serving me my first meal of the day--bar pizza--saying, "I don't know what you've done today, but..." We looked whipped.

V

Adventures in Driving

When I was seven months pregnant with Ella, I brought the four ex-utero children downtown for a priestly ordination at the Cathedral. This was a comedy of errors. I got there too late to park at the church and had to park on the street. I did not have change to feed the meter so had to beg strangers on the street for quarters. Imagine me in my billowy maternity dress and gigantic belly with four children in front of one of the oldest and fanciest restaurants in town begging for change. We were a sight. But of course, an ordination Mass lasts longer than a parking meter so I had to leave in the middle to go move the car. I dropped Marian in a pew with a lady she did not know, which did not please the 4yo.  (No worries, I know the woman and she didn't mind at all) and whisper/explain why I was leaving. It was pouring down rain. I got soaked. All's well that ends well when the salesperson at the bookstore took pity and let me park for free in their lot. 

VI

A Piece of the Past

Everyone laments how it used to be in the past when kids roamed the neighborhood, and all the parents looked out for all the kids on the street, and how it's not like that anymore. But it is still like that here. We are so lucky to have a gaggle of kids on the street who play freely in and among the yards and houses, running all day long. But unlike the old days of stability, modern people move, and move frequently. We have had a good run of over a decade with the same families here, and our children feel like adopted members of this extended family. Now, though, the moving has begun. It won't be too many years before we are all gone, and with us, this golden piece of the past.

VII

Mistress or Slave

I wanted to recount and process a conversation I had with dear Anne Kennedy right after I stopped working. In it she told me that when you become a mother and a new housewife, you are a slave to the baby and the crisis of the day, but gradually you gain mastery of your circumstances and learn to how to impose order on the chaos. You become the mistress of the household. She said my ascent up the mountain would be steeper because of my late start, but I would gain the skills faster. I think about this conversation almost every week even now. How has the difficult become easier? I think, three years out, I have gained so many skills, but the mountain is still pretty steep.  

If you too have a pile of draft titles, join me and give us the cliff notes version.

Quick Takes

I don't think I have ever done a Quick Takes post. I don't have a label anyway. So here are some random thoughts that have been bouncing in my head in the form of Quick Takes

I

The older I get, the more I think a UBI is the best solution to our poverty problems. Of course most people hate this idea. The more conservative end are scared to death someone might get something for nothing. "Here, have some bootstraps to eat." The more, um, not conservative end are scared someone might choose something unapproved. "You're poor, therefore too stupid to do right without all our required advice." Not to mention the entire scaffolding of government jobs dependent on a steady stream of poor people to help. But how about we just cut everyone a check and be done with it? Although Finland is shelving their UBI program so maybe it's not it, after all. Still, less bureaucracy, more aid without strings.

II

Related, one of the ongoing conversations in the working mother world is the cost of childcare. I have a third rail opinion, I think? By definition, you must pay your babysitter less than you make. How do you pay the person caring for your child an appropriate wage without making your own work not worth doing because of the cost of childcare. I think in the realm of childcare, it's not possible in most cases. I think most childcare workers are underpaid and most parents are unable to pay more. A Gordian knot. And I wonder how many jobs exist solely to prop up the childcare question? As in I pay you to watch my kids so you can pay me to watch your kids. I wonder about the sustainability of it all. 

III

Somewhat related, is volunteering a problem everywhere?  It seems no matter where we go, those organizations are bereft of volunteers. The Cub Scouts, AHG, church (forever church), softball, the community garden, everywhere is the constant plea for volunteers, and yet the same 15 people who always do all the work keep doing all the work for that organization. Do we have unreasonable expectations on people's time? Does everyone feel pushed to the brink like I do? Or are there people who do flat nothing? Did it used not to be this way? I don't have good answers. I know that I don't think I have time to volunteer for much of anything and feel immense guilt because of it. People say 'Seasons of Life' but then I hear retired empty-nesters tell me they are busier than ever. Frankly, I don't believe them, but I definitely could be wrong.

IV

Touching on my last post, I thought I'd add that since the beginning of winter, the only significant weight loss I've had was achieved by the week I spend sick as a dog with some GI plague. Five pounds in a week. Not in the recommended way. Part of the trouble with dropping the weight is that when I cut calories, I don't just get hungry, I get compulsively hangry. This is a new experience. In the past, I could be hungry, eat a bit to take the edge off, and maintain the calorie deficit. This time, eating a bit does not take the edge off. If anything it makes me hungrier and so I compulsively eat until I'm back to where I started. I know, intellectually, the body likes to maintain its weight, but I have never quite experienced it in this way in the past. Dave mentioned that the weight also might be a little stickier because I am only feeding baby what she eats instead of pumping off eight extra gallons at work like I did last time around.

V

So I splurged and bought a summer pass to the local rec center. This is my official experiment to see if I can become the type of person who goes to rec centers to swim and exercise and stuff. My goal is to go once a week. I struggle with getting out of the house in a timely manner so we shall see how I end up handling the logistics of getting myself and five children ready to swim once a week. Do I need a swim cap?

VI

The other big summer news is that maybe finally I shall purge the house. It's summer so no homeschooling to worry about. I do not have a crazy escaping toddler. I won't be pregnant. Please God, the dryer won't break, and we won't get lice. I need to start planning my method of attack. Is anyone interested in hearing about this? I feel like this is the topic that will never die, but maybe that's only in my own head. This summer is the summer, right?

VII

Hey yall, my cute baby:

Photo by Marian