The postings have trailed off because the inspiration is light on the ground. I am still driving into work everyday, but I am doing exactly nothing here. When I put in my resignation, it was decided it would be a waste of time to bring me into the new system so I complete a one-off task here and there, but mostly spend my day clicking around the Internet until I can drive home. I have quietly slipped out of the workflow here, but will still man my desk for the next seven days after today.
At home, everything is poised and waiting on the moment I no longer have to come to work. It is ripe with anticipation, but not a lot of action or angst. Just waiting. It is much like the last few weeks of pregnancy when you know the time is near, you have prepared as best you can, and you are waiting for that moment to arrive when the rest of your life can begin.
It occurred to me last week that since my co-worker was promoted into management, his position is open. Given my qualifications and experience, I am the most likely candidate to have filled that position. I am just speculating. I resigned before the subject could even be broached, but it isn't unreasonable to think I might have gotten the job. That I was likely to get the job.
How funny is it that the issues that have plagued my employment here could possibly be resolved right as I am walking away. The open position has much more decision-making responsibility and comes with the promise of doing real work instead of my previous situation of half-filled days with nothing to do. It would also be a twenty thousand dollar raise. We would finally be in a position, financially, to stop treading water. To be able to actually save money. To afford a vacation more than once a decade.
But this is not the road we are choosing to take. It isn't the one I want to take. I am fully at peace with our decisions and am excited to finally get going, but I didn't expect the opportunity I am rejecting to be at its brightest luster right at the moment I take the other fork in the road.
Your clarity came just in time, and lasted just exactly as long as it needed to.
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