tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post6160523384062030150..comments2023-08-29T09:03:19.065-05:00Comments on Just Another Jenny: Stick UpdateJennyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13472686909226073213noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-34982008636034792452014-11-14T08:51:56.395-06:002014-11-14T08:51:56.395-06:00I believe it! Because objectively these are popsic...I believe it! Because objectively these are popsicle sticks that have been colored on, but you would think I was taking some priceless treasure. They don't even have a great concept of the money they get in exchange for the sticks. Several times we have handed out the money and then found it left on the table where they first got it. But the sticks! Oh they love their sticks! Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13472686909226073213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-86360810830496426012014-11-14T08:43:26.627-06:002014-11-14T08:43:26.627-06:00I do feel like we are nearing the limit of how man...I do feel like we are nearing the limit of how many particular jobs can be spelled out without the lists getting too unwieldy. I am not sure I will add anything in December just because of Christmas craziness, but I really need to get on printing those pictures.Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13472686909226073213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-52164712989366275432014-11-14T08:32:54.341-06:002014-11-14T08:32:54.341-06:00The reason I start with a jar full of sticks and r...The reason I start with a jar full of sticks and remove them is because I know that I am not consistent enough to remember to follow through every night. If I forget or am lazy, which happens not infrequently, they are not penalized for my behavior. In an attempt to balance out the negativity of losing a stick, I keep my attitude about their jobs very matter-of-fact or positive. I don't yell over these jobs. I remind them and if they do not follow through, I acknowledge their disappointment, tell them I know they can do better tomorrow, and move on. It also helps to have concrete, objective criteria. <br /><br />"All of your socks need to be in the laundry basket or you lose a stick. Are all your socks in the laundry basket? No. Well that means you lose a stick, right? Yes." <br /><br />I try hard not to attach emotion to process of losing a stick. They scream and cry anyway, but I can't control that.<br /><br />This is a long way of saying I realize that using the sticks as positive reinforcement would probably be better, objectively, but that isn't going to work for us because of me. Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13472686909226073213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-74393338255542637822014-11-14T08:19:51.084-06:002014-11-14T08:19:51.084-06:00We definitely eased into this system starting with...We definitely eased into this system starting with jobs they were already doing. The sticks just formalized chores that they needed to do everyday which would generally escape our notice. Like for instance the lunch boxes which are kept in their backpacks. They would get home from school and were supposed to clean out their lunch boxes, but many times they would forget and then the next day Dave would find some formerly edible item of food left out all night that now needs pitched. So now that there is a checklist, the amount of food being thrown out from their lunches is significantly lower. But it wasn't a new job, just a reminder.Jennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13472686909226073213noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-55729332785633971872014-11-14T08:15:24.323-06:002014-11-14T08:15:24.323-06:00I agree that loss aversion is powerful, too. The q...I agree that loss aversion is powerful, too. The question is how you want to characterize this dynamic with your children. I was raised the loss-aversion way and for me, this was a profound change.<br /><br />MeredithAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-63851158132340818672014-11-14T07:08:28.116-06:002014-11-14T07:08:28.116-06:00Also, Jenny, I'm so glad you're blogging.Also, Jenny, I'm so glad you're blogging.lissla lissarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05354424704358588553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-81483447265210216542014-11-14T07:08:06.790-06:002014-11-14T07:08:06.790-06:00Geoff was telling me about the psychology of loss ...Geoff was telling me about the psychology of loss aversion last month some time- that people will fight to keep what we have, even when it's crummy. The study said that people are more likely to perform tasks when threatened with loss than when offered rewards. The stick/chore thing plays into that magnificently.lissla lissarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05354424704358588553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-46654150567959445092014-11-14T06:57:51.670-06:002014-11-14T06:57:51.670-06:00At some point, ideally before the lists get too lo...At some point, ideally before the lists get too long and you have given them the tools they need (e.g. checklists) you can try making the month's new job "do the other things without being asked." That might be a good time to give them a per-stick raise.bearinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07953735060133330755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-84564597303600299702014-11-13T22:54:44.129-06:002014-11-13T22:54:44.129-06:00I applaud you for following through and being so c...I applaud you for following through and being so consistent at the end of a long day! That is hard work!<br /><br />Melanie, there's a slightly different approach to this system which might work better for your daughter. My kids and I went through a year-long behavior therapy program. We saw this research in practice--the most effective way to shape behavior is through positive reinforcement. The sticks are incentive, but giving them--and then taking them away--is more like punishment. If you start with an empty jar and give a stick for completing the job--with a big flourish and parental attention--that's a powerful form of positive reinforcement. You just keep praising the kid who picked up the socks or the jobs that WERE completed by the kid who didn't get them all done. This way, everything you say becomes part of shaping the behavior instead of nagging or drama. "Tomorrow you can try again!" when they don't make the mark.<br /><br />Some kids will respond to either approach, but research shows that all kids respond to positive reinforcement. We were shocked to see that the immediate parental attention far outweighed the monetary reward (which was too far away for our impatient, impulsive kid to process.)<br /><br />MeredithAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2940375117370631601.post-92129720764545099162014-11-13T22:18:14.908-06:002014-11-13T22:18:14.908-06:00I am so impressed with your success. I'm almos...I am so impressed with your success. I'm almost tempted to try it. But with Bella so ADHD, my fear is trying to enforce it will shatter the uneasy truce I've made with her inability to get things done on my schedule. I know I could start with things she's already doing anyway and gradually increase it. I wonder if the sticks would be enough incentive. Melanie Bettinellihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12557248434888642114noreply@blogger.com